Still Applies 10 things every child with autism wishes you knew

THURSDAY, JANUARY 21, 2010

10 things every child with autisim wishes you knew

Here are ten things every child with autism wishes you knew:
1. I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily “autistic.” My autism is only one aspect of my total character. It does not define me as a person. Are you a person with thoughts, feelings and many talents, or are you just fat (overweight), myopic (wear glasses) or klutzy (uncoordinated, not good at sports)? Those may be things that I see first when I meet you, but they are not necessarily what you are all about.
As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don’t think I “can do it,” my natural response will be: Why try?
2. My sensory perceptions are disordered. Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. It means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Here is why a “simple” trip to the grocery store may be hell for me:
My hearing may be hyper-acute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today’s special. Musak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough, a coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can’t filter all the input and I’m in overload!
My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn’t quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn’t showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they’re mopping up pickles on aisle 3 with ammonia….I can’t sort it all out. I am dangerously nauseated.
Because I am visually oriented (see more on this below), this may be my first sense to become overstimulated. The fluorescent light is not only too bright, it buzzes and hums. The room seems to pulsate and it hurts my eyes. The pulsating light bounces off everything and distorts what I am seeing -- the space seems to be constantly changing. There’s glare from windows, too many items for me to be able to focus (I may compensate with "tunnel vision"), moving fans on the ceiling, so many bodies in constant motion. All this affects my vestibular and proprioceptive senses, and now I can’t even tell where my body is in space.
3. Please remember to distinguish between won’t (I choose not to) and can’t (I am not able to).
Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges for me. It isn’t that I don’t listen to instructions. It’s that I can’t understand you. When you call to me from across the room, this is what I hear: “*&^%$#@, Billy. #$%^*&^%$&*………” Instead, come speak directly to me in plain words: “Please put your book in your desk, Billy. It’s time to go to lunch.” This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it is much easier for me to comply.
4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally. It’s very confusing for me when you say, “Hold your horses, cowboy!” when what you really mean is “Please stop running.” Don’t tell me something is a “piece of cake” when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is “this will be easy for you to do.” When you say “It’s pouring cats and dogs,” I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Please just tell me “It’s raining very hard.”
Idioms, puns, nuances, double entendres, inference, metaphors, allusions and sarcasm are lost on me.
5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary. It’s hard for me to tell you what I need when I don’t know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong.
Or, there’s a flip side to this: I may sound like a “little professor” or movie star, rattling off words or whole scripts well beyond my developmental age. These are messages I have memorized from the world around me to compensate for my language deficits because I know I am expected to respond when spoken to. They may come from books, TV, the speech of other people. It is called “echolalia.” I don’t necessarily understand the context or the terminology I’m using. I just know that it gets me off the hook for coming up with a reply.
6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of consistent repetition helps me learn.
A visual schedule is extremely helpful as I move through my day. Like your day-timer, it relieves me of the stress of having to remember what comes next, makes for smooth transition between activities, helps me manage my time and meet your expectations. Here’s a great website for learning more about visual schedules: www.cesa7.k12.wi.us/sped/autism/structure/str11.htm .
I won’t lose the need for a visual schedule as I get older, but my “level of representation” may change. Before I can read, I need a visual schedule with photographs or simple drawings. As I get older, a combination of words and pictures may work, and later still, just words.
7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do. Like any other human, I can’t learn in an environment where I’m constantly made to feel that I’m not good enough and that I need “fixing.” Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however “constructive,” becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one “right” way to do most things.
8. Please help me with social interactions. It may look like I don’t want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it’s just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I’m delighted to be included.
I do best in structured play activities that have a clear beginning and end. I don’t know how to “read” facial expressions, body language or the emotions of others, so I appreciate ongoing coaching in proper social responses. For example, if I laugh when Emily falls off the slide, it’s not that I think it’s funny. It’s that I don’t know the proper response. Teach me to say “Are you OK?”
9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns. Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities. A pattern may emerge.
Try to remember that all behavior is a form of communication. It tells you, when my words cannot, how I perceive something that is happening in my environment.
Parents, keep in mind as well: persistent behavior may have an underlying medical cause. Food allergies and sensitivities, sleep disorders and gastrointestinal problems can all have profound effects on behavior.
10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally. Banish thoughts like, “If he would just……” and “Why can’t she…..” You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn’t like being constantly reminded of it. I did not choose to have autism. But remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you – I am worth it.
And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience. Work to view my autism as a different ability rather than a disability. Look past what you may see as limitations and see the gifts autism has given me. It may be true that I’m not good at eye contact or conversation, but have you noticed that I don’t lie, cheat at games, tattle on my classmates or pass judgment on other people? Also true that I probably won’t be the next Michael Jordan. But with my attention to fine detail and capacity for extraordinary focus, I might be the next Einstein. Or Mozart. Or Van Gogh.
They had autism too.
The answer to Alzheimer’s, the enigma of extraterrestrial life -- what future achievements from today’s children with autism, children like me, lie ahead?
All that I might become won’t happen without you as my foundation. Think through some of those societal ‘rules’ and if they don’t make sense for me, let them go. Be my advocate, be my friend, and we’ll see just how far I can go.

"Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them up!"

From the Archives- x-ray no way

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2010

X-Ray - No Way!

Yesterday we went to the doctor’s office for a follow up appointment, they required that Gray have an x-ray just too completely make sure that his chest was clear and that the drugs had gotten rid of his phenomena. We left the doctor’s office and headed downstairs in the clinic to the x-ray department. Gray was already a little out of sorts because he had not been happy that the doctor had to touch him in order to look into his ears and listen to his lungs. Gray is a very cuddly and affectionate little man when it comes to his immediate family but gets very upset if he is touched by anyone else even if someone accidentally bumps into him or brushes by him in a store; it causes him to get very agitated. So since he was already upset when we went down to x-ray it became even worse when they advised that I was not allowed into the room. I tried to explain to them that he has autism and that he may not take well to having to have an x-ray done. They said it would be no problem and called another lady over to help. I should have gone with my gut and said no but I also knew it was important to get the x-ray to make sure he was ok.

They took him into the room and I heard them telling him that they were going to take a picture with the big camera before they closed the door on me, but he wouldn’t stand for them so I guess they decided to try to put him onto the table and try to strap him in so he would stay still long enough to take the picture. It didn’t work he got so upset that he was kicking and hitting at the ladies I ended up going into the room to put a stop to it and try to calm him down. I felt so horrible for him he was shaking and crying he was so scarred and all I could do was hold him. After we left the clinic I put him and Gracie into their car seats and he wouldn’t let go of my coat I had to pry his little fingers off so that I could move to the drivers seat I tried to calm him by offering him some pizza for dinner (yes I was trying to bribe him) but even that didn’t work he looked at me and said no mommy. When we got home Gray immediately ran and hid under the kitchen table he pulled the chairs in around him, which is a sign that Gracie knows means don’t come near me. Gracie lied on the floor in the dinning room and watched her brother not getting to close but not leaving him either. Gracie and Gray have an amazing bond that I hope never goes away. He started to cry and after a bit of effort on my part to get down and crawl under the table I sat with him trying to calm him down for a while and just being close to him. I was finally able to coax him out from under the table but when he came out he would not leave my side and stayed that way for hours. He refused to eat anything but I did manage to get him to drink a milkshake. He went to bed and this morning thankfully he woke up in a great mood. Sometimes his meltdowns can last for a short period of time other times they can last for days

“Any experience can be transformed into something of value” –Vash Young

From the Archives- Left Speechless

TUESDAY, JANUARY 19, 2010

Left Speechless!!

Today the kids were building with Lego they were mostly building towers and Gray was sorting the colours so that all of the red blocks were together, the blue and so on and so forth. They were having a blast. While I was in the kitchen making a loaf of bread, Gray ran out into the kitchen with a stack of red Lego’s and he was making a jabbing action with the stack and an odd little noise. He ran back and forth between the kitchen and living room making this noise and jabbing at the air in front of him several times before he stopped beside me, I looked down at him and asked him what he was doing? And then he said it as clear as day “Shooting the big guns”. For once in my life I was speechless; I didn’t know whether to be horrified that my three year old was pretending to be playing with guns or excited about the fact that he had just said four words in a row. I decided on the latter and was glad that I had because when I complimented him on his imagination and told him good use of words he looked at me with a huge grin on his face before turning and running back out into the living room where he then totally forgot that he had been shooting the big guns because his all time favorite show had come on and he crawled up onto the couch to watch “Curious George”

I didn’t have to guess where he had heard that phrase I knew without thinking that he had heard it from daddy, I’ve heard my husband say it more times then I can count and he isn’t even home for me to talk to him about it and by the end of the week I’ll probably have forgotten about it. Well maybe not because four words can be considered a full sentence the first full sentence that Gray has ever said, even if the content wasn’t what I would have wished for I could not get over the joy at having heard my little man use four words in a descriptive sentence it was a huge milestone, I know in my heart that it really is not about the milestones but the moments but this was one of those moments, and one that I would be putting on the calendar and can’t wait to share with my husband.

“Hope is passion for what is possible.” -Soren Kierkegaard

It Takes a Village to Raise a Special Needs Child

While going through some of my earlier blog posts I came across this little gem (it is attached at the end of this post) it was written about 10 months after our oldest was diagnosed, and as I re-read it I found myself shaking my head in agreement, because the one thing that holds true no matter what when raising a child (or multiple children) on the spectrum you absolutely must have a great team behind you.   So 5 years into our autism journey, 2 diagnosis down with a third on its way and 5000 plus hours of therapy, I can honestly say it takes a village to raise a child on the spectrum.

We as mothers want to be able to do it all, we need to realise that it is not a bad thing to ask for help and in the case of our special needs children it is an absolute must, because it is hard to raise a child on the spectrum it is long hours and sleepless nights, It is a test of patients, you cant just go to the local play groups and ask for others opinions or call up your mom or best friends and say what do I do?  It requires skills and training that can not be found in a parenting book or on line, we are not trained to know everything about raising a special needs child because no matter how much research you do you are not an expert,  an expert on your child yes, an expert in any of the fields of therapy no way there are just to many of them.

There is more to therapy then meets the eye and this is where a great team comes into play, you must have a team of therapists and workers to help you in your journey through the very chaotic world of autism. So making sure that you have the right team is very important, if you are butting heads with someone or really don't like what is being done or are not comfortable with communicating with your team then you need to reevaluate your team and maybe replace some team members. I have over the years had not so nice words with workers sent to my house and on one occasion actually threw a worker out of my house and others I have simply said your style does not match my own not that they are bad people or bad at their jobs but we need to be able to work well together.  I am lucky that I currently have a really great team working with my kids. We have great therapists, and doctors, teachers and E.A's.  

Having a good working relationship with your child's therapist is crucial to the development of your child. You need to be able to communicate your concerns and talk openly about the day to day challenges and successes.   You need to be able to change things on the go and realise that sometimes you may not be able to see the end results so you need to trust in the fact that your therapist really does know what they are doing,  Bringing a worker or in our case lots and lots of workers into your home and into your lives can be hard it can be hard to trust someone that will be working so closely with your little one, and it can be hard to not want to take over, sometimes you need to take a step back in order to be able to allow the workers to form that bond with your child that is needed for success and yes this can be challenging at times especially when your child is in meltdown and you know you could fix it or they are stimming and you could easily redirect them.  In order for your team to be able to best work with your child you need to trust in your team and realise that there is going to be a learning curve that not all days are going to go smoothly and that it is going to get worse before it gets better.  The people that work with your child care they want to see success and they like it when their is parent involvement (or so they tell me ;-) ) because it does take a team to raise a special needs child, and they know that no matter how much they work with your child if you are not on board it is not going to work, it needs to be consistent across the board in order to see results.

We do not only need a great team of therapists but we also need a great team of support.  A great support network can be a life saver during those days when nothing is going right, it may be as simple as the girl friends you call on the phone to vent to or a family member or friend that you know you can count on to come over and help out.  You also need a go to grizzly bear, the one momma bear you can call for advice no matter how small and that you know will not only give you great advice but have your back no matter what. Another great support is social media, the one thing about social media is it allows special needs parents to connect with others that are going through the same thing and has helped to create a wonderful network of supports on line.   Sometimes it is the local autism group where everyone just gets it, there is no judgement and at one point or another we have probably all been there.  Leaving a special needs child is much more complicated then leaving other children, you need to think of so much more before heading out the door and it can be a little overwhelming and emotionally stressful at first but respite care is so important to families of special needs, we need to take care of us so we can better take care of our children and we can't relax if we can not trust the person that is at home with our child so again you need a good working relationship with that person especially in our case where family members are to far away to help out.  

Finding a great team of therapists, doctors, and workers, as well as an amazing support system can make a world of difference in the lives of families with special needs children.  So do not feel bad asking for help, stop beating yourself up inside because you can't do it all and embrace the fact that it truly does take a village to raise a child, and take comfort in the fact that around the world so many cultures still know the importance of having a large support network and family to raise our worlds children.

That's me for today living life one puzzle piece at a time and utilising my support network tonight to get out on a much needed date with my handsome hubby.

J.
And as you can see from my post below my views on this have not changed over the last few years.

MONDAY, JANUARY 18, 2010

A great team!

Some say it takes a village to raise a child, in the case of my son it takes a team, an incredible team of wonderful specialists, doctor’s and therapist’s. The many people that are involved in helping with Grayden have made it possible for both my husband and I to cope with his diagnosis but have also enabled us to provide Gray with the best possible care and support available to him with the help of these fine ladies Grayden has managed to come a long way in a very short period of time, his speech is starting to come along and every few days or so he is saying a new word. We are very slowly working on sensory issues and finding different coping mechanisms that work for him. I have been told a couple of times that Gray is doing so well because of all of the care and attention that I provide for him and that he is a lucky little boy to have me for his mother. I am not going to deny this, I work very hard to ensure that I am the best possible mother to both of my children and to make sure that they are growing up in a house hold that is filled with love, respect and security. I believe that a happy child that is allowed the freedom to explore many new things and learn at their own pace while being raised in a supportive home can achieve anything. I feel this way for both of my children and though I am not denying the fact that Gray’s life will be much harder for him then it will be for my other children I do believe with all of my heart that he can and will do anything that he puts his mind to and what an extraordinary mind he has. I know that he is different with me then with other people I am his comfort zone and a safe haven when the world seems scary and overwhelming to this little boy I am his constant. This both thrills me and terrifies me at the same time, I want nothing more for my son then to feel safe and secure but realise that unfortunately as he grows older I will not be able to be by his side at all times and that very soon he is going to have to go out into the world on his own and that the world is going to seem very overwhelming to him and very, very scary. I know now that as much as I would like to be everything to him I can not he needs a team to help him along the way and as much as he needs a team I too need a team of people that I can turn to for support and I am grateful for the wonderful family and friends that I have to help me along the way.

“Lead me, guide me, walk beside me”

Temper Tantrums at 2am. -- from the arcvies

SUNDAY, JANUARY 17, 2010

Temper tantrums at 2am!

Lately it takes me a little while to get comfortable at night, I toss and turn which in itself is a huge feet since my belly is getting so big that I almost need a crane to roll me over, add to the fact that my husband is not home to cuddle with and it makes for a restless sleep. Last night however my daughter who doesn’t sleep well at the best of times thought that she needed to be up four times not because anything was wrong with her (which is why my son gets up at night) no she was up because she thought that she needed to be! She wanted to play, but she couldn’t play quietly in her room, she wanted to play with mommy. 11:15pm, after I had just settled comfortably into bed…mommy, mommy, MOMMY! That’s right Gracie was awake I tried to ignore her hoping that she would go back to sleep but no luck with that, she just got louder and louder and then she started to cry. So I got up went to her room and told her it was time for bed and that she needed to go to sleep tucked her back in and closed the door, I had just crawled back into my bed when her tears started they were short lived and only lasted for a few minutes. Then quiet at least for another forty-five minutes then that’s right she was up again this time she was calling for juice so back through the above mentioned steps. I crawled back under my covers and tried to get comfortable but this time it took me a while. When I finally fell back asleep you guessed it she was up again, this time I didn’t get up I decided on the tough love approach and called to her from my nice warm bed, “Gracie go to sleep”. She cried for about fifteen to twenty minutes and then I heard her crawl back into her bed she had apparently given up, finally! I was sleeping soundly now when I awoke once more to the sound of crying, this time though it wasn’t coming from Gracie’s room, no this time it was Gray. So out of my warm bed I crawl and down the hall to Gray’s room he’s easy when he’s up in the middle of the night it’s usually because he’s lost his nuk or needs to be covered back up again( he doesn’t understand to cover himself back up on his own and most nights he’s up a couple of times at night,apparently this is a common issue with children with autisim or so says the chat groups that i'm apart of insomnia and waking up multiple times at night are all apart of being a parent for these little ones. Most nights though he will cry for a few minutes then go back to sleep) Tonight he had misplaced his nuk so it was a matter of checking the sides of the bed and giving it back to him, he was happy and rolled right over and closed his eyes again. I had just crawled into bed when Gracie who must have heard me up with her brother got up and started to scream and not just a little scream a full bodied I’m mad and you’re going to hear about it scream. So back into her room picked her up, put her in bed, a firm good night and go to sleep. Nope didn’t work she screamed for another forty-five minutes, she is the type of child that does not give up easily. I crawled into bed and put a pillow over my head to muffle the sounds of her screaming it didn’t work I can’t sleep when she’s crying but I refused to go into her room and give in to her she eventually cried herself out and crawled back into bed where she fell soundly asleep and stayed that way for the rest of the night. Then guess what I was thinking to myself ah time for sleep when the smallest member of our family decided it seemed like a good time to start to stretch and roll around…oh well maybe I’ll sleep tomorrow night, or maybe not.

"madness takes it's toll, please have exact change"

Some things never change--- 4 years later she still doesn't sleep. 

J.

Tickle Wars-- From the archives.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 16, 2010

Tickle Wars

I know it’s going to be a good day when I wake up to the sound of Gray laughing in his room and counting down 1,2,4 go…yep he took his Nintendo DS to bed with him last night and apparently when he woke up this morning decided that he was going to play race cars. He just kept saying over and over 1, 2, 4 go…and then he would break out into giggles. When I rolled over to look at the clock I was even more pleasantly surprised it was 9:15 and Gracie was still sleeping. Yep life is good even the large pile of dirty laundry couldn’t take the grin off of my face. It wasn’t long after that and Gracie started to stir and then I heard the pitter patter of her little feet as she ran across her room to the door. I met her at the door because she is still to itty bitty to reach the door handle a blessing since she doesn’t like to stay in her bed at night. When I opened her door she greeted me with one of her lopsided grins and her medusa hair all over the place, holding her teddy under her arm and a purse over her shoulder yes she really is a little diva or at least she tries to be, most of the time though she has a purse over her shoulder and mud on her nose. She is a very cute but very messy little girl. She quickly ran into her big brothers room, she absolutely adores him. Unlike most mornings where he looks at her and tells her “Gracie Go!” pointing her out of his room this morning he actually let her crawl into bed with him, she was ecstatic and her little grin got even bigger if that is at all possible they stayed there cuddled together for a little while before Gray decided it was time to get up and Gracie obediently followed right on his heels.

After breakfast I managed to clean up the kitchen and start to tackle that dirty laundry pile. I could hear the kids laughing upstairs in the living room while I was downstairs sorting laundry. When I got back upstairs Gracie was rolling around on the ground laughing hysterically as Gray was tickling her. Just then he looked up at me and said “Mommy tickle, tickle.” Well who could resist that, I dropped the clean laundry I had been carrying onto the couch and got down on the ground with my two favorite people to play tickle wars and as I prepared all ten of my fingers to go to battle Gray dropped to the ground laughing and leaving open his belly for the attack. Probably one of the best sounds to hear in the world is your kids laughing from shear joy, it just pulls at the heart strings and you can’t help but smile. We stayed like that the three of us smiling and giggling away for another half hour. Yep today was definitely going to be a great day!

“Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life”

J.

Previous Blog posts pulled from the archives. Talking Tom should have texted.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 15, 2010  From my previous Blog a look back at how it all started and a trip down memory lane. 

Talking Tom—should have texted

The kids and I haven’t left the house in several days now due to the fact that we have all been sick, this morning I had to get out of the house I was going stir crazy and so were the kids and besides I had to go to the pharmacist to pick up Gray’s prescription. I probably wasn’t in the best of moods to begin with my daughter had been particularly difficult this morning not wanting to get dressed or eat her breakfast. Well I guess she’ll go out in her pajama’s and stay hungry until snack time because mommy is not in the mood to argue today over something that in the big scheme of things really doesn’t matter, after all as my grandmother would say and many other grandmother’s and mother’s as well “she’ll eat when she’s hungry”. Well she didn’t eat but there was no way that my almost two year old was going out of the house in her jammies. No way not this diva, as soon as she saw me putting Gray’s coat and boots on she quickly ran to get her clothes on and grab one of her numerous purses to take with her. After all we can’t leave the house without a purse and great pair of boots right!

We get to the pharmacist only to find that they had filled the one prescription but not the other, so now we wait they say they are fairly busy but that it should only be about fifteen to twenty minutes they even give us one of those little pagers so we can walk around the store and see if we can be tempted to buy something that we really don’t need. After one full lap I decided to sit down and wait after all there is only so much you can look at in a pharmacy especially with two kids in tow. We had only been sitting for a couple of minutes when this guy walks over with a cell phone attached to his ear he was talking very crudely to somebody on the other end of the line probably one of his guy friends about a new position that him and his girl friend had apparently tried the night before. Did I mention that I had my two small children with me and that there was an elderly women also sitting and waiting. The guy got off the phone only to have it ring the most annoying ring tone I think I have ever heard about thirty seconds later. While he was talking, this time about his plans to get s*** faced that night he accidentily stepped on the other women’s toe, did he apologize like any normal nice person would have done absolutely not. In fact he looked at the women as if she was in the wrong. Shortly after this incident the woman’s beeper went off startling Gray and causing him to go into a small melt down covering his ears and crying he is extra sensitive to noise. Well guess what the rude guy actually had the nerve to turn to me and say and I quote “ Hey lady, do you mind getting your kid under control I’m trying to talk here.” Then he said to his buddy on the other end of the line “ yeah some kids”.

Well apparently I did feel like arguing today because after taking a very deep breath to try to calm myself down I said in a very quiet voice (my father in law would be proud) I suggest that you hang up the phone apologize to that nice lady for standing on her foot and then apologize to my kids and I for how crudely you have been talking and for what you have just had the nerve to say about a scared three year old. He looked at me and said “what ever”. Sorry buddy wrong thing to say. Here I go, “You either hang the phone up or I will and then I will shove it somewhere that I’m sure you would not enjoy as much as your girl friend apparently did last night and for the record she was probably faking, because any guy that has to brag to his buddies about it can’t be that good at it to begin with.” That did it he looked at me with stunned silence finally he had stopped talking. While I had been berating this loser I had also managed to calm Gray down, how’s that for multi tasking. Just then our beeper went off. The pharmacist handed me Gray’s prescription laughed and said he wished he had half my nerve. No not nerve just one very ticked off mom, if he had been my kid I would have washed his mouth out with soap and slapped him for treating his elders that way. Sad thing was he was pretty close to my age. My husband says these things never happen when he’s around that’s most likely because he’s big and a little intimidating, but he’s mostly a teddy bear (ok maybe only at home) where as I on the other hand am like a grizzly bear especially when it comes to my cubs.

Well that's me 4 years ago and you know what I haven't changed all that much.  

Still trying to live life one puzzle piece at a time and keep my calm. 

J.

Two Pantry Staples for 50 Cents-- Part 1 of my series on Pantry Staples.

One of the things about having a little one with food allergies is you start to read labels on EVERYTHING, and some things that seem like they should be pretty simple and straightforward have way more ingredients than they should have,  So out of necessity I started to make a few pantry staples and over the next few weeks I will be sharing some of the stuff from my pantry, a few little tricks and secrets and I may even show you how I organize it.  

Home made is always better it tastes better and is better for you then store bought, you have control over the ingredients that you add into your staples and can adjust it to suit your family's likes and dislikes.  You can make up just a little bit or a lot, and contrary to popular belief it really really does not take that long to prepare these staples in fact most of them take less than 5 minutes and can be whipped up while you are standing around keeping an eye on dinner.   

So how did I manage to get two pantry staples for 50 cents, and what pantry staples did I make.

Well I started by picking up a loaf of french bread from the bakery.  (yes you could also make your own)  I don’t need my bread to be fresh, so here is how I saved money I bought day old bread and got it for 50 cents.  I have on occasion also gotten a loaf for free from the baker and it doesn’t hurt to ask they are more than likely throwing it out anyways or making there own pantry staples to sell you.   So what am I making with this loaf of bread, well we are going to make croutons and bread crumbs.  So take your loaf of bread home and leave it for a few more days or longer if like me you get busy and forget about it.  The harder the loaf is the better.  Take your loaf of bread and slice it up into cubes

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As you can see from the picture I did not use the whole loaf to fill my 8 cup measuring glass.

Set the rest of the bread aside.  While you are cutting the bread into pieces turn the oven on to low broil, so it will be ready to toast up your croutons by the time you are finished cutting the bread up.  

Toss your bread pieces in a little bit of extra virgin olive oil, and spices to taste, I toss mine with a little bit of garlic powder and parmesan but have made them with other spices as well just depending on what you like.  Once you have tossed them in the evoo and spices of your choice line a cookie sheet with them and toss them into the oven. (Keep a close eye on them as you do not want them to burn and it does not take long to lightly brown them. )  once they are brown let them cool then toss them in salads, on top of french onion soup or do as my kids do and munch on a few for a snack.  

You will notice while you were cutting up your crotons that there is a lot of crumbs on the counter, and some bread left over I toss it in my blender and use it to make bread crumbs, I do not add anything to my breadcrumbs as I like to flavour them based on what I may be in the mood for that evening.  

 

And that is it two easy and quick pantry staples for a whole whopping 50 cents and about 10 minutes of my time.  

Hope you enjoy, that’s me for today living life one puzzle piece at a time.

J.

Our Home Made Pancakes Recipe-

Weekends are made for pancakes.  One of the simple pleasures we all enjoy is our pancake breakfasts on Saturday mornings, everyone in our family loves the delicious taste of fluffy pancakes, and I love the closeness it brings to our family it starts our Saturdays off on the right note.  I mix up a double batch of our homemade pancakes with a little help from my beautiful assistant lady Grace and the kids set the table, we warm up the maple syrup and cut up some fresh strawberries or blueberries to go with them, every once in a while we make bacon and it always gets gobbled up as soon as I place the plate on the table and my hubby always seems to find the need to taste test it right out of the oven.   Once I have a heaping stack of fluffy, golden brown pancakes we all sit down to eat and share some laughs around the table.  We always make our pancakes from scratch, for a couple of reasons they taste soooo much better than the premixed boxes, are healthier for us and don’t have any of the yucky stuff that makes my baby girl sick, but making pancakes from scratch doesn’t have to be time consuming, I mix up a large batch of the dry ingredients of my mix  to keep on hand and then when we want to make up pancakes all we need to do is add the wet ingredients. 

I've had this recipe for so long I don't even remember where I found it, the paper it is written on is splattered with mix and slightly faded, always a good indication of a well loved recipe.  

Homemade pancake recipe

Dry Ingredients Wet Ingredients

1 cup flour 1 cup milk

2 tablespoons of sugar 2 tablespoons vinegar ( mix into milk and let sit for a

1 teaspoon baking powder few minutes )

½ teaspoon baking soda 1 egg

½ teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons melted butter

Pre-made Mix Directions

Mix together 1 cup of your mix with 1 cup milk, 1 egg and 2 tablespoons melted butter.  Ladle spoonfuls of mix onto a heated skillet flip when you see bubbles appear in the centre.  Garnish with your choice of fruit and real maple syrup.   If you are making the recipe from scratch mix together all dry ingredients then add in your wet.

(I double the recipe to feed my family of six keeping in mind that  four of them are males and eat a lot!!! We usually have a few left over that the kids will either grab and eat as a snack or that I wrap up and throw in the freezer for a quick breakfast through the week.  I do on occasion whip up a very large batch of pancakes for just this purpose I freeze them and then we take them out and throw them into the toaster to heat them up. )

That’s me for today living life one puzzle piece at a time and enjoying some yummy pancakes.

J

Finding our Calm and Creating a Calm Down Jar

I love my daughter, I love her smile her laugh and the way she sings off key, I look at her and I see me. It is often remarked that she is a mini me in looks but she is also a mini me in temperament as well.  The two of us butt heads often and she is the only one of my kids that can bring me from calm and collected to lunatic crazy in 60 seconds,  she is also the only one of my kids that will with no qualms look at me and say no, she doesn't even bat an eye when she talks back and on more occasions then I would like to admit I have not only heard my own words said back to me but it has been done in my tone of voice standing hand on hip toe tapping.  Yes she is me, stubborn, strong willed and always wanting the last word.  But she also is emotional, extra sensitive and has a strong need to feel secure even while arguing, she like myself has very strong emotional responses to situations. 

This leads to difficulties in discipline as we are so similar that it is like well talking to myself. :)  so I have been working on keeping my cool, and remaining calm, a very difficult thing to do when faced with a strong willed little girl.   I was on Pinterest ( 0ne of my favourite time wasting sites) and saw the calm down jars. Well now this might just work for both of us it gives her time to calm down and gives mommy a few minutes to get cool calm and collected.  So we grabbed a mason jar and raided our crafting stash and here is the awesome calm down jar we created together, 

 We had to pretty it up a bit because well Lady Grace and I love all things pretty and sparkly.
So here is how we did it, really really easy,  grab a clean mason jar, and some sparkle paint ( ours came from the dollar store in a pack of 8 for $3 ) we choose 3 colours, purple, pink and silver, mixed them together with warm water and shook the jar like crazy, at first you may see a few chunks as the sparkles and paint settle and separate, but the more times you shake the jar the nicer it looks, the colouring from the sparkle paint tints the water a pretty colour so it looks nice even when just sitting there, and of course to make it even more pretty and girly we choose a pretty fabric scrap, trimmed it down and tied it with a pretty piece of lace then i added a little tag and voila a beautiful and functional calm down jar. 

We used it this morning after a mild meltdown over some buttons not perfect on her sweater and it worked like a charm.  My only other suggestion would be to try to find a plastic jar for safety reasons of course. 

Thats me for today just trying to live life one puzzle piece at a time.
J

Moderately OK Military Wife and Friend, Kick Ass Autism Mommy.

Recently it was brought to my attention not once or twice but three or four times that I have been M.I.A lately and that some of my friends and fellow military wives are wondering how I am doing, and some are feeling slightly ignored.   With the guys back from Christmas leave and most of them right into the swing of training exercises and winter warfare, I can’t see that I’m going to be having anymore free time on my hands.  I also know that they really don’t understand just how busy my schedule is or how difficult it is to transition my kids when daddy goes away,  Being a military wife is hard and comes with lots of ups and downs, it requires adaptability and strength but even this tough group of women can’t understand the strength and stamina it takes to be a military wife and special needs mom to not one but three kids.  

Military wives come in all shapes and sizes and each has their own unique personality but really when it comes down to it they can all be grouped into a few categories when it comes to their views and how they act in regards to their husband’s career,  there are the “It’s a pay cheque, and I don’t give a shit wives”, you know the ones, they are always heard spewing “they don’t own me, he joined I didn’t” I can do what I want, they have no respect for the rank structure and are constantly complaining about anything and everything that involves the military or military housing,  Yes this group of wives can be very entertaining while I am bored and scrolling through the fb wives groups.  Then you have the “Proud as a Peacock wives”  they love everything about the military and their man’s role in the military, they never miss a parade or ceremony of any type and always, always, make sure they are dressed to impress and make sure their kids are too, their houses are decked out in more support our troops and I love my soldier paraphernalia then the Canex gift shop,  you can see these ones coming a mile away.  “There are the what’s your husbands rank wives”-- they know the rank structure better than some that are actually in the military and feel the need to tell you every time the opportunity arises of their husbands rank, they purposely search out and make friends based on how it will affect their husbands career and look down their noses at anyone that is of a lower rank. the irony here is that most of these wives do not have a career of their own and therefore are skirting by on hubby’s coat tails with no personal accomplishments of their own to be proud of.   Then there is the more elusive group of wives the “Middle of the road wives”  they are proud of their men, probably have a support our troops magnet on their vehicle and go to the parades and events when they can, they complain about kit explosions but are always there to help find an elusive sock or piece of kit.  The military is a part of their lives but it does not take over their whole life, this category is where most of my friends fall in, like minds attract like minds after all.

I am a middle of the road wife and friend and moderately ok at that, I love my husband and I am very proud of the job he does, but I have never been to a parade and when I go to an event or dinner I am more excited to be getting out of the house kid free and to spend time with my friends  then about the event itself.  I complain about tripping over his kit and he prefers I don’t wash his uniform, apparently it is important to remove all appliques and velcro things and make sure the pockets are empty, who knew !!   I support the rank structure but don’t actually know what they all look like,  not because I don’t care but because I have so many other things I need to know, like what an IEP is, what ABA, IBI, IPRC, OCTC, O.T, ABC, APD, BD, HFA, LFA, SIB and DX just to name a few.  I need to juggle scheduling of services, doctors and specialists appointments for three kids, we have integrative workers, E.A’s, Speech therapists, and developmental services that come to the house, and at all times I am on guard for meltdowns, sensory issues and stim behaviour.   So when a fellow military wife looks baffled that I don’t know something about my husband that I apparently should or comments on the fact that I never attend parades or that i have been missing from the social group, it is not because I don’t want to go out and socialize or that I don’t care about my husbands career, or because I am not proud of everything that he does it is because I can only juggle so many balls at one time, and because quite frankly the thought of taking my kids to a parade terrifies me and even though some friends have offered to help, it is a recipe for disaster, crowds of people that might accidently bump into one of my kids, noises and smells that trigger sensory issues that could lead to a massive meltdown, meltdowns don’t just last for a few minutes they are not a temper tantrum that can be quickly dealt with by a stern talking to or smack to the bum,  they can last for hours or days, they can bring with them self injurious behaviour that has my one son, banging his head against the ground, or slamming his face into walls or pieces of furniture,  So yes I would like to take the kids and go see daddy dressed up in his DU’s but the repercussions of an autism meltdown are just too high, and it is a risk I am unable to take.  So no matter what the other military wives think I am ok with being moderately ok as a military wife and friend because I know that it makes me a kick ass autism mom.

That's me for today just trying to live life one puzzle piece at a time.
J