Recently it was brought to my attention not once or twice but three or four times that I have been M.I.A lately and that some of my friends and fellow military wives are wondering how I am doing, and some are feeling slightly ignored. With the guys back from Christmas leave and most of them right into the swing of training exercises and winter warfare, I can’t see that I’m going to be having anymore free time on my hands. I also know that they really don’t understand just how busy my schedule is or how difficult it is to transition my kids when daddy goes away, Being a military wife is hard and comes with lots of ups and downs, it requires adaptability and strength but even this tough group of women can’t understand the strength and stamina it takes to be a military wife and special needs mom to not one but three kids.
Military wives come in all shapes and sizes and each has their own unique personality but really when it comes down to it they can all be grouped into a few categories when it comes to their views and how they act in regards to their husband’s career, there are the “It’s a pay cheque, and I don’t give a shit wives”, you know the ones, they are always heard spewing “they don’t own me, he joined I didn’t” I can do what I want, they have no respect for the rank structure and are constantly complaining about anything and everything that involves the military or military housing, Yes this group of wives can be very entertaining while I am bored and scrolling through the fb wives groups. Then you have the “Proud as a Peacock wives” they love everything about the military and their man’s role in the military, they never miss a parade or ceremony of any type and always, always, make sure they are dressed to impress and make sure their kids are too, their houses are decked out in more support our troops and I love my soldier paraphernalia then the Canex gift shop, you can see these ones coming a mile away. “There are the what’s your husbands rank wives”-- they know the rank structure better than some that are actually in the military and feel the need to tell you every time the opportunity arises of their husbands rank, they purposely search out and make friends based on how it will affect their husbands career and look down their noses at anyone that is of a lower rank. the irony here is that most of these wives do not have a career of their own and therefore are skirting by on hubby’s coat tails with no personal accomplishments of their own to be proud of. Then there is the more elusive group of wives the “Middle of the road wives” they are proud of their men, probably have a support our troops magnet on their vehicle and go to the parades and events when they can, they complain about kit explosions but are always there to help find an elusive sock or piece of kit. The military is a part of their lives but it does not take over their whole life, this category is where most of my friends fall in, like minds attract like minds after all.
I am a middle of the road wife and friend and moderately ok at that, I love my husband and I am very proud of the job he does, but I have never been to a parade and when I go to an event or dinner I am more excited to be getting out of the house kid free and to spend time with my friends then about the event itself. I complain about tripping over his kit and he prefers I don’t wash his uniform, apparently it is important to remove all appliques and velcro things and make sure the pockets are empty, who knew !! I support the rank structure but don’t actually know what they all look like, not because I don’t care but because I have so many other things I need to know, like what an IEP is, what ABA, IBI, IPRC, OCTC, O.T, ABC, APD, BD, HFA, LFA, SIB and DX just to name a few. I need to juggle scheduling of services, doctors and specialists appointments for three kids, we have integrative workers, E.A’s, Speech therapists, and developmental services that come to the house, and at all times I am on guard for meltdowns, sensory issues and stim behaviour. So when a fellow military wife looks baffled that I don’t know something about my husband that I apparently should or comments on the fact that I never attend parades or that i have been missing from the social group, it is not because I don’t want to go out and socialize or that I don’t care about my husbands career, or because I am not proud of everything that he does it is because I can only juggle so many balls at one time, and because quite frankly the thought of taking my kids to a parade terrifies me and even though some friends have offered to help, it is a recipe for disaster, crowds of people that might accidently bump into one of my kids, noises and smells that trigger sensory issues that could lead to a massive meltdown, meltdowns don’t just last for a few minutes they are not a temper tantrum that can be quickly dealt with by a stern talking to or smack to the bum, they can last for hours or days, they can bring with them self injurious behaviour that has my one son, banging his head against the ground, or slamming his face into walls or pieces of furniture, So yes I would like to take the kids and go see daddy dressed up in his DU’s but the repercussions of an autism meltdown are just too high, and it is a risk I am unable to take. So no matter what the other military wives think I am ok with being moderately ok as a military wife and friend because I know that it makes me a kick ass autism mom.
That's me for today just trying to live life one puzzle piece at a time.
J
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